Families need a father's love

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.


Sadly, many deeply sincere Muslim families are being sacrificed to their fathers' misguided notion that it is manly to abandon family life for the sake of being active in the Muslim community. Rather than viewing their fatherhood and marriage as a service for Allah and a means for purification of self, these men hold back from loving their families too much for fear that this will keep them from loving Allah. They emotionally distance themselves from their wives and children as if they were obstacles on the Path.

This type of father habitually gulps down his dinner and is out the door for the rest of the night. He spends long hours away from his family serving on masjid committees, counseling strangers with their problems, organising fund-raising events, and attending endless meetings. When he is home, he talks on the phone for hours, sits in front of the email, and then collapses, exhausted into bed.

His wife may feel that it is her duty to willingly do without marital companionship in order to free her husband to do the "more important" work of Allah. But if the woman cares at all about her husband, she will eventually feel betrayed and rejected. If years go by and she becomes used to living without him, such that she no longer needs or wants him, then he has lost her, and probably his children also. In today's world, it is not enough for the father to bring home the money and then feel he has done his job.

Sons and daughters need their fathers to spend time with them. Sons who are deprived of their father's companionship and affection are more likely to become delinquent or deviant in their teens.

Daughters who fail to receive their father's attention and praise are more vulnerable to sexual predators as they unconsciously search for a loving father replacement. A desperate need for love and validation has led many teens to forbidden and self-destructive behaviours, while kids who do sports and have fun with their dads tend to have fewer social problems such as smoking or drinking, and they are more likely to have a stable and fulfilling marriage relationship in later years.

Wives who fail to receive regular doses of loving attention from their husbands will lack the self-esteem to effectively train an Islamic family. The wife's depression and nervous anxiety from her husband's prolonged absences can affect her unborn fetus. If she is struggling with her own feelings of abandonment and rejection, how can she be everything for her children? But when a woman feels cherished by her husband and respected, she receives a tremendous boost of energy and there is nothing she would not do for him.

A strong marriage is essential to good health, longevity and a joyous and meaningful existence. The Prophet said,

"When a man approaches his wife, he is guarded by two angels and [at that moment in Allah's view] he is like a warrior fighting for the cause of Allah."

Raising a Family is Islamic Work

With this in mind, we must acknowledge that it is not appropriate to view our Muslim families as impediments to our lofty spiritual ambitions, but rather, they are a trial of our actual, personal application of Islam. Allah has commanded Muslims to pray regularly in jummah, and yet, also to maintain loving relationships with our families.

A masjid turned into an all-night-men’s-club has a destructive influence on the family and community. Is there some sort of competition between a Muslim brother’s dedication to the Islamic organisation and his dedication to his family? Raising a family is Islamic work. Maintaining the spirit of love and peace at home is very rigorous, nafs-reducing, intensive Islamic training.

Is this petty volunteerism going to earn you any benefits from Allah if you are forsaking the people who need you the most? You need to include your wives and children in your Islamic work and do things with them at home or in your neighbourhood. Children learn by imitation, so they need to see their fathers in action.

When men use the masjid to try to avoid marital conflicts and the strains of child discipline, they avoid having to develop the patience, compassion and selfless attitude that children and wives demand. This is a grievous setback to their spiritual maturity.

Regular meetings are mandatory for Muslims to stay connected with their community. But all Islamic organisations should adopt a “Family First” policy if they are serious about being vehicles of Islam. Lectures and conferences can only give people theoretical knowledge. You may fully understand the status of women in Islam, or the duties of wives, for example, but your trial is to see if you can behave in this manner at home. Each trial that your family presents to you is a means for inner purification, and serves as the practical training and test of your faith.

Denying companionship to your wife and children is not the meaning of Ibrahim’s sacrifice. At no time did Ibrahim give up or sacrifice his relationship with his sons or his wives in order to follow Allah. Nor did he leave his sons’ religious education and moral upbringing to their mothers while he went off to make dawah. His sons were a priority in their father’s life, and they had a close relationship. When Ibrahim was ready and willing to sacrifice his first-born son to Allah, it was not because Ismail was a victim of paternal coldness or neglect. Rather, he was the recipient of prophetic understanding. It was as a result of the strength of this father-son bond, that father and son were united in full submission to the command of Allah.

By Maria Hussain
Islam4parents.com


*selalu nampak young dads bawak anak jalan-jalan kat campus. comel.